The first 12 hours of 2016 have not gone to plan and I am still at peace.
I will count that as a win.
The party animals that we are, my husband and I crawled into bed at 12:07am. After having a restless sleep the night before, we were looking forward to welcoming the new year by sinking into a freshly made bed and quickly drifting off into a peaceful slumber. Which made the tossing and turning that continued well past 1:30am a very unwelcome event.
We went to bed motivated for today, welcoming a fresh start. Which looked like getting 5 loads of laundry done, starting some new morning routines, and having a general sense of order and achievement to the day. So when the natural sunlight (ok that’s a stretch, the sun was still buried behind a perpetual layer of clouds so let me rephrase… faint daylight) woke me up, I knew something was off. And sure enough it was 8:50am. Bugger, we overslept.
Next thing I know, my husband is rushing from our bathroom to bedroom to garage, trying to dress his sleepy-eyed self along the way, which made me think… hmmm… something must be up with the fish we keep in our garage. Yup, the tanks overflowed (again) and he spent the next hour and half cleaning up the mess.
I’ve always been just a tad ritualistic when it comes to New Year’s. Things like… change sheets, clean house, shave legs, wax bikini… all make it on to New Year’s Eve checklist in an effort to start the year off on the right foot.
A driving force for pristine-ness. The achievement of ‘make everything as white as snow’ serving as an omen, a safety net, that this year everything will be OK.
Translation for: I will be OK.
Funnily enough, days like today generally don’t fit that bill.
Except that today, I don’t care.
And that my friends, is the win.
To be able to take things in stride.
To say, ‘Eh, It is what it is.’ And mean it.
For life not to have to look a certain way in order for things, and me, to be OK.
I asked myself, ‘What’s different this time?’, and my answer boils down to one word.
Last night at 1:30am I had a choice. I could’ve rolled my eyes at my husband as he kept pulling the blanket and waking me up just as I was on the verge of falling asleep and made some cranky-pants remark. (Full disclosure: This was a very real option.)
But in the end I chose something else. To say, hey, let’s try focusing on our breath and quiet our minds.
Let me hold you. Share our warmth and put our bodies at ease.
This morning, I could’ve paced around my house in a state of fear, worrying about what was going on in the garage. Are the fish OK? Will he be electrocuted? What if the garage door breaks and he gets stuck in there?
Again, very real thoughts. But instead of being paralyzed, I went about my day.
Breathed through the vulnerability that what happens in our garage is totally out of my control and Let Go.
We all have the choice to do life differently. Making a Resolution…. a decision prior to any action in that direction… rarely cuts it.
As we went to bed last night we shared our personal ‘resolutions’ with each other.
Mine was for my mornings to incorporate stillness, prayer, and meditation. To ground myself before my day really gets going.
I caught myself today as I was about to dive into a task that would’ve served as a really good distraction and vulnerability avoider from the garage-situation.
Just as I was about to open a new document to create a bio-security measures plan for our fish farm, I thought, nope, that’s not how you said you wanted your day to go.
So for all of 2 minutes I sat still, said a prayer, and attempted a meditation.
I chose to put my desire into action. I chose to say Yes, to what I really want.
In my book, those 2 minutes were another win.
And if I choose to do that tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after, soon I’m living my life the way I want to.
Batteries are going to die, pumps fail, systems break down. Plans fall through. We can’t fall asleep.
In short, shit happens.
But you always get to choose what you really want.
You don’t need a resolution.
You just keep choosing you.
PS Want some help making those choices that say yes to you? Let’s Talk.