This week it was my birthday. I don’t know about you, but I love using my birthday as a good excuse to reflect on life; where I’m at, how far I’ve come, where I want to go.
One of the things I finally decided, is that a 35 year-old woman really *should not* be wearing socks and underwear with holes in them any more.
Nor any other clothes with holes in them for that matter.
I say this a bit tongue in cheek, but there’s a deeper thing here I’m finally owning.
As a 12yr-old, I have a vivid memory of going to summer camp in last year’s bathing suit that was all stretched out and covered in holes. I was so embarrassed that I wore a t-shirt over it the whole time.
While all the other girls were happily running around, jumping in and out of the pool in their brightly coloured, pretty, bathing suits and bikinis, I was hoping no one would notice that I was wearing a stretched out pink t-shirt with bubble paint splattered on it.
And I really hoped no one would ask to see my bathing suit underneath.
Just writing this I still feel the shame.
We shopped budget in our family. Bradlees and Kmart for school clothes (and underwear) and so the long and short of it is, that I connected my own personal worth to where we shopped for clothes.
As an adult I’ve tried to do things differently, saving up for a splurge on a really nice pair of jeans or shoes from a designer boutique.
Yet at the same time, underneath, I’ll be walking around with socks and underwear that have holes in them.
Just like my eating was, how I dress myself, is somewhat bulimic.
On the outside, everything looks pretty, but underneath, I’ve been allowing myself to still wear the holes. A remnant from the past that I’m still not quite worth it.
I’ve committed to change this and so today, I’ll be clearing out my closets with clothes that don’t fit, are falling apart, or I just plain don’t feel good in any more.
Because I’m worth it.
And to prepare for empty drawers and closets, I’ve already started replacing some of my ratty clothes with new ones.
Including this t-shirt that has a message I love, and want to wear everyday. Except I know then I’ll end up with holes in it sooner than later, so maybe I’ll alternate days 🙂
So, in the spirit of the t-shirt, growing up, showing yourself that you’re worth it… what will you do to day to make today count, and show yourself that you count too?