It’s hard for me to trust.
This is my truth.
I was knocked over sideways by this a couple of days ago when I asked my husband if he would be a guinea pig for me and try on some of the content from the ‘True You Treasure Hunt’ that I’m creating. He agreed, and so I asked him to think of a situation where there’s a bit of uncertainty and he’s looking for some answers.
His answer: The design of the indoor fish farm he’s about to build.
Step 2, I asked him how he’s questioning and judging himself about this.
His answer: I’m not.
Which kind of threw me because I’m always questioning; judging and comparing myself to others. My assumption: most people do this too.
I dug a bit more, and asked him to explain why he’s not judging himself.
He said, (rather matter-of-factly), ‘Well, I designed it, I think it will work, I just don’t know for sure because I’ve never done it before.’
Common sense at it’s finest.
I couldn’t believe him at first so I probed… ‘You’re not judging yourself at all? Like, I could’ve done it better, or could know more, or whatever?’
Nope. He’s sure of himself, that he’s made the best choices with the information that he has. He’s secure in himself. The uncertainty is purely circumstantial. Until it happens, he won’t know.
This shouldn’t have been such a surprise for me. I’ve known my husband for close to 7 years now and part of what attracted me to him was how self-assured and confident he is.
Unlike the pattern of shame, fear, and wanting control that’s marked my life. Have I done enough? Did I make the right choice? Did I say it in the right way?
It boils down to one word:
Do I trust myself?
This was a lightbulb moment for me because for years I would’ve automatically answered, ‘Yes, of course I trust myself!’
But if I’m completely honest with myself and you, No, I haven’t always trusted myself.
I know this because I haven’t trusted other people. Including my husband.
Because how can I trust someone else if I can’t trust myself? How can I trust my decision to trust someone else, if I’m not trusting my decisions in the first place? (Sound complicated? It kind of is when it plays out in real life:) )
And while this may not be an issue for everyone, I know I’m not the only one here. I have countless conversations with women who also struggle with trusting themselves.
Here’s what I see happening….
Our greatest truth resides in our heart, in our soul.
When we are young, we follow our hearts with ease.
As we grow older, stuff happens, and we start to rely on our heads more.
- Maybe this is because we got burned in young love and so it’s a form of protection… weigh the pros and cons before going there again.
- Maybe our mind’s performance was applauded while our heart’s desires were labelled ‘foolish, silly, whimsical’, and so we’ve adapted and opted for practicality in life.
Whatever the reason, our mind can lead us astray from our truth as it tries to protect us. (Poor things, they are doing their best.)
So as adults we find ourselves in a situation where we put our trust in what our minds can work out, understand, plan for, says makes ‘sense’.
But this isn’t always our truth. And the more we take action from the head, the further away we are from our truth.
And when we aren’t accessing (or listening to) our truth, we break down trust.
Because how can I trust someone who doesn’t speak truth? Even if that someone is me?
That is all great to know and understand, but here’s why this is important…
When we’re not trusting ourselves, we start to look for things outside of us to give us answers.
Our partner, our doctor, our teacher, our coach, our business advisor, our friends… they know best.
And the more we listen to them vs us, the more discomfort we feel within ourselves, and that’s when we try to make ourselves feel better; with food, relationships, sex, drugs, shopping, wine, you name it.
I am saying all this from a place of experience, something I know in my head, and something that I’ve seen the other side of. Most often it’s showed up for me in my career and in relationships. Wanting/needing them to go a certain way in order for me to be OK.
And I’ll be honest, sometimes even now, there is still a disconnect between my head and my heart.
Because this takes practice, commitment, consistency…
And what I realized recently is that even though I know, in my head, what it takes to get out of my head…. I still have to apply it to me.
I still have to keep accessing my truth, building trust with myself, on a daily basis.
They say you teach what you most need to learn, and for sure that applies here.
But I also realized that as I am learning this, I can help you too.
Help you get out of your head, connect with your heart, your soul, your True You, so that you can grow that muscle of trust too.
Trust yourself, and not only does your life become aligned with who you truly are (which feels amazing!), a lot of your perceived ‘problems’ go away too.
Maybe my way works like a charm for you.
Maybe it goes right over your head 🙂
Maybe it helps you to a point, so you can find your own way to trust yourself again.
Whatever the answer turns out to be, I’m inviting you to try this with me.
I’m inviting you to join me as I continue on my journey.
There’s a couple of ways you can do that in the next few weeks but for now I want to invite you to do one thing.
Go on your own True You Treasure Hunt with me.
From June 1st, you’ll be able to experience for yourself, the tools that help me access my truth, get out of my head and into my heart, make decisions that feel good, and build trust.
What I’ll be sharing with you isn’t just information. We both know that doesn’t help much. Instead you’ll get to have your own experience over 5 days of finding your deepest truth… your greatest Treasure.
To join the Treasure Hunt, it’s simple. It’s free, it will take 5-10 minutes of your day, and it will be fun (at least I think so 🙂 ). You can sign-up for it here.
Even now, you might be asking yourself, ‘Should I do this? Will it work? Do I need this? Is this right for me right now?’
Those questions pop up for me too. Now I can see that it’s my mind trying to create certainty, and usually responding with fear… What if I don’t? Will I miss out? Will I have made the wrong choice?
What about this question instead:
What feels good for me right now?
What puts a glow on my heart instead of a knot in my stomach?
And if it’s hard for you to feel anything in your body (which, *trust* me, I know about that too), then it’s probably because your mind is speaking so loudly and throwing a million questions at you all at once, so you can’t discern a feeling in your body from a thought in your head.
Like I said, I have been there, and that still happens to me now. Which is why I’ve had to find a way to organize those thoughts so that they can have their say for a minute, but then they can rest, quiet down, disappear, and the truth can come out.